Like, really. Lately I feel like I’m completely worthless. Nobody needs me here. I never feel motivated to do anything, I haven’t done anything productive in a long while. I look around myself and feel inferior to everybody. I’m embarrassed to try anything new because I know I’d do it worse than anybody. If I don’t do anything, I feel like I’m useless and a coward. But if I do something, I keep getting ashamed of myself for not being able to do better. Hell, I feel like I can’t even be a good friend.
School’s stressing me out, I’m constantly worried about my grades which are getting worse and worse, I have to think about my future which generally is a scary thing. I keep thinking about matters that make me upset or worried and then I run off to my imaginary world where I don’t have to care about things such as what other people think of me and what I’m going to do with my life. And when reality hits me, I just hate myself more for avoiding all these issues.
Ugh, sorry for the rant. Just… I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m always waving an invisible flag, trying to get someone to notice that I’m not feeling alright. Well, since the flag’s invisible, nobody sees it. But really, I’d like to vent. I’d like to get everything out and just forget all this insecurity, but what can I do? I know my parents would be worried, I don’t want that. I know my friends wouldn’t give me the kind of response I need. Just what am I supposed to do? I hate this. I really do. I just want to curl up and forget about everything that is real.